


pathetic

by deducingontheroof



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Gen, Negative Thoughts, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11693016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deducingontheroof/pseuds/deducingontheroof
Summary: Bulimia wasn’t glamourous. It wasn’t attractive, or desirable.





	pathetic

**Author's Note:**

> this is very personal, i'm having a bad night and this is the healthiest way to express my feelings. very triggering, read at your own risk.

Bulimia wasn’t glamourous. It wasn’t attractive, or desirable. 

It was cold porcelain and cold drinks and a chill that went to the bone.

Kei forced his fingers further into his mouth, eyes watering as he coughed and gagged, desperate to empty his stomach.

_Four slices of roast beef, 224 calories. Two small potatoes, 154 calories. Six baby carrots, 24 calories. Around a half cup of gravy, 50 calories. A slice of strawberry shortcake, 346 calories. 798 calories._

He had consumed twice his daily limit in one meal.

It took fifteen minutes to get everything up, choking and coughing with tears streaming down his face. 

Pathetic. 

Struggling to his feet, Kei ignored the blackness that threatened the edges of his vision and stumbled to the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot, pink from crying and black from a deficit of sleep. His cheeks were swollen, round, _fat._

He robotically undressed, stepping onto the scale for the fifth time that day. 118.2lb. .3lb heavier than that morning. 

The higher number filled him with a familiar combination of panic and dread. He didn’t purge everything, there was something left in his stomach, something making him _fat, pathetically fat._

He flew back to the toilet, viciously shoving his fingers down his throat. Nothing more would come out. He gagged and spat water and bile into the bowl, but nothing else would leave his stomach. 

He had been too late, something got digested and he gained like a fucking pig.

Breathing far too rapidly, Kei let himself fall to the ground, pulling his knees to his chest. He could feel his body trembling, his heart rate irregular in his chest. He felt sick, nauseous. He had to puke again, but he couldn’t.

He let his eyes roll back, and lost himself to the trembling, twitching panic.

_I hope I die, so everyone can see just how pathetic I was._


End file.
